Hadley's Birth Story!

Ok, MIL is getting some Hadley time, so here is your birth story!!! :) Sorry, my kitty dying is intermingled with this story because it's part of the day's events.

On the morning of Black Friday (November 26th), I woke up around 2:30 AM with contractions. They weren't painful, but were coming at regular intervals between 7-20 minutes apart. I went downstairs and watched TV, etc so I wouldn't keep Gregg up. After a bit, I realized that I hadn't yet seen my kitty that day - she was not looking good the night before (breathing funny & just not being herself) & I actually cried at that time (Thanksgiving night) because something in me just told me it was the beginning of the end. I checked her usual spots & couldn't find her anywhere. I laid back down on the couch for a while, read, watched TV, etc & for some reason, though to check for her in the basement. As soon as I saw her lying on the concrete (something she would never normally do) and she didn't respond when I said her name (I didn't get close enough), I knew that she was gone. I was so, so sad. She was only 7 years old & she was a dating anniversary gift from Gregg for our 2nd anniversary. It was around 4:30 AM at this time & I ran upstairs to Gregg & woke him up: "Baby - um, two things...I think Faithy died and I'm in labor" - according to him, that was not the way he had planned on waking up that morning.

He went down into the basement and confirmed that she was gone & then texted his mom & dad so that they would call when they woke up. I continued with contractions throughout the morning until his dad called back. They were shocked at the news of Faithy passing & his Dad came over to take care of her. I wanted to see her to get some closure, but her eyes were open (according to G) and they could not be shut again, so I didn't get to see her. We drove over to G's parents' house & she was buried in their "pet cemetary" behind their house. G had basketball practice, so I stayed at his parents' house and continued laboring while he was gone (yeah, I know, I told him to go to practice...LOL). His mom and one of his sisters (Mel) timed my contractions all morning/afternoon. They were continuing to get stronger throughout the day & definitely becoming more regular. When they were about 7 minutes apart, I texted my mom and told her that I thought it was the real thing (after G's mom felt my contractions in my stomach and confirmed that this was most likely true labor).

We went home & I got showered & then we called the doctor around 3:30 when my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. Gregg had to take the call from the doctor when she returned our call (it goes to the answering service first) because I was busy throwing up. Despite the fact that my contractions were 4-5 minutes apart at this time, they told us to wait an hour and then leave for the hospital. My contractions were definitely stronger at this point & I was SO upset that we weren't able to go to the hospital yet. I was face-down on my exercise ball with a heating pad on my back, or with G rubbing my back constantly. We determined that my parents were about an hour away, so we waited for them to get there & then we left immediately.

The car ride was not a fun one & it seemed to take forever with lots of curvy, windy roads, despite the fact that it was only about 25 minutes. When we got there around 5PM, we went to L&D to get checked in & they told me that I needed to wait in the waiting room because they didn't have room for me. I was SO upset, I'm surprised I didn't cry. I ended up kneeling on the floor in front of one of the waiting room chairs, with my face in the chair, while mom or G rubbed my back and I breathed through all of the contractions, which were gaining in strength and frequency. To make matters worse, there were some annoying kids in the waiting room and I think I remember telling my mom that I was going to kill them - LOL.

After FORTY FIVE MINUTES (5:45pm) of laboring in the waiting room (there were about 4 other pg women there, but none as obviously into labor as I was), I was finally taken back into a triage room. A midwife came in to check me and immediately said, "whoa! We've got an active one - she's 8cm!" We were shocked! I knew the contractions were strong, but I was breathing through them and didn't think they were THAT awful. The doctor came in and I pretty much had to decide on the spot whether I wanted an epidural or not. I told her that I felt really good, but I was worried about the pushing part. She said, "I won't lie, the pushing is intense, but you're really going to feel that part either way" so I decided to tough it out (which is good since the anesthesiologist never got around to seeing me anyway, which they're supposed to do either way). They moved me to an L&D room & checked me again maybe half an hour later (6:30) and I was 9cm. The doctor broke my water & an hour later, I was 10 cm. I really didn't notice a difference in the strength of my contractions until the very end (right before I was checked at 10cm) - the nurse told me that if I felt the urge to push, I should take a deep breath in and breathe out in spurts like I'm blowing out candles - those were the hardest ones by far.

Once I was able to push, it was actually a great relief - fighting the pushing was definitely the worst part of labor. I began pushing around 8:15pm. There was definitely a learning curve in learning how to push, but the doctor and nurse were both great with encouragement & G was there the whole time with my ice chips, rubbing my back. After about an hour of pushing, I started to get really frustrated because I felt like I was doing it wrong or that it should be going faster, but the dr. assured me I was doing an amazing job. I remember both she & the nurse saying that they seriously should have made an educational video about laboring on me because they never ever would have guessed that I didn't have an epidural - I was one of the best "breathe through it" patients they ever saw! They encouraged me to change pushing positions (on my side) and those really helped to bring her down. Just before 2 hours, they switched me back to my back and I knew it must be time because they took off the bottom of my table, put up the stirrups & the dr. put on her gown. About 5 pushes later, I felt her head come out & another push or two came her shoulders & she was out! I did not even feel the "ring of fire" that so many women talk about - I honestly don't remember any pain during the pushing process - it was just exhausting...I think my nerve endings must be dead down there or something! :) And I was so proud of Gregg, he watched the whole thing and didn't pass out or get sick or anything (HUGE accomplishment for him)! Hadley Rebecca Scholl was born at 10:08PM, 19 inches long, weighing 6lb, 8oz! She had dark blue eyes and a little bit of brownish hair. They put her on my chest and it was all just so surreal - I almost felt like it was happening to someone else - some kind of out-of-body experience.

H was whisked away to the nursery (G went along) because they wanted to check her breathing (she was "grunting" a bit), but everything was fine. I delivered the afterbirth & was stitched back up for my 2nd degree tear & then I ended up watching What Not To Wear on TV alone in the room for 45 minutes while G was gone, even though I had asked the nurse to go get my family, which they never did. Our parents, G & H all ended up coming back at the same time and stayed with us until about midnight. I was so glad that both sets of parents could be there to see her right away. Though we hadn't planned on it, we ended up sending H to the nursery that night because we were both so exhausted and needed to get some sleep...of course I couldn't sleep anyway due to worrying about her, plus being on the adrenaline high, but that's a whole different story!

My doctor was amazing throughout the whole thing - before coming to me, she had only had an emergency c-section & then I was her only patient. She sat on the bottom of my bed the entire time - there are about 10 doctors at the practice and if I could have chosen, she would have been the one that I wanted, so I was SO happy when I knew she would be with me.

We texted Becki to tell her the good news and she cried when she heard the name - she said it was just perfect and she couldn't wait to meet her!

In the end, we said it's almost as though Faithy (our kitty) was like our filler baby - one angel left us just as the other came into our lives...

21 weeks!

Nothing really new to report these days, which I suppose is a good thing. I have been feeling a TON of movement, mostly at night. Sometimes it is really strong that it makes me stop what I'm doing...I can't even imagine how it will feel four months from now! WOW! I haven't had any real cravings, per se, but I have been eating a ton of fresh tomatoes and cucumbers from our garden, so I sure hope little Hadley likes those down the road when she can eat (not via me!).

We spent part of last week at the shore & that was a lot of fun, though I spent a great deal inside due to the heat. I did get out to the beach a couple of times, so we got a few pics...

I just put a call in to my OB's office to get a permission slip (of sorts) that would allow my cousin (who is studying to be an ultrasound tech) to do an educational ultrasound on me sometime next week. It would be really cool for her, I'm sure, and I really want my parents and my other cousin to be able to be in on that since they're usually so far away and don't get to experience any of that first-hand. We'll be up that way for our 2nd camping trip of the summer, so I figured we might as well squeeze everything in that we can!

Finally, the GTG with my IF friends last weekend was AWESOME! We had such a great time shopping in the city, sightseeing, talking, eating, you name it! It was so great to meet them, but truth be told, it really didn't feel like we were all meeting for the first time...it was like catching up with old friends! What a great time! (I updated the post below w/ my 20w belly pic since it was taken at the GTG)!

It's a....

GIRL! I was SHOCKED as I told Gregg that I was 90% sure we were having a boy! We both shed some tears & were so incredibly happy!

Little Hadley was adorable (we even got a yawn) and the doctor said she looked perfect (we thought so, too! Her heartbeat was 157 bpm and we're pretty sure she's going to be a little gymnast...just look at these legs up over her head!

I'll admit that I was a little disappointed that the u/s tech didn't give us a "girl" ultrasound shot, but I'm working on getting one elsewhere.

I've been feeling tons of movement in there lately which is SO exciting, and Gregg gets in at least one good kick a night!

I had an amazing time over the weekend and got all sorts of wonderful baby gifts for our little girl from my IF friends at our GTG. What amazing women - I had an awesome time & can't wait until we can do it again!

20 week belly

15 weeks!

15 weeks and not much new to report around here. Morning sickness reared its ugly head again this morning, which was rather strange since I hadn't been sick (outside of tooth-brushing incidents) in a month! I was nauseous all morning & finally decided to force myself to eat (read: BAD IDEA) and then promptly lost my lunch! I felt better afterwards, however & have been back to my normal eating habits.

Otherwise, I can't complain! I feel pretty good & seem to be OK energy-wise (nothing different from my usual midday tiredness).

In other news, I got together with some real-life IF girls (2 whom I knew & 2 whom I just met) who are all Christians. We all came together because we're attempting to organize a couples IF retreat sometime in early 2012. It will be set up like a conference w/ meals, break-out sessions & a keynote speaker, focusing on how God speaks to us through IF. It's overwhelming but exciting at the same time...

Finally, since a few of you asked, the get-together w/ my online IF girls that I referenced in my last post is coming up in mid-July. 7-8 girls from all over the place (mostly the east coast: NY, CT, PA & OH, but also one from WY!). I'm so excited to finally meet these women whom I feel like I've known forever! We're going to spend the weekend doing girly things like shopping & talking & lots of eating, I'm sure! I CAN NOT WAIT! :)

(almost) 10 week update!

Things are so-far, so-good. I have another u/s on Tuesday and I'm really anxious for it since I haven't had one since the 26th.

We told my parents the good news last weekend and it was CRAZY. Oh MY GOSH - it was the best reaction ever! My mom & dad were busy getting things ready for the picnic that they were having for my bday. They were both finally in the house at the same time and I told my mom that I wanted her to open her Mother's Day gift before she was up to her elbows in something else...my dad almost left but I told him he had to stay. Mom opened the card and started crying (nothing in the card but a sappy little verse) and then she opened the frame and SCREAMED, CRIED & she and my dad made a Teri-Sandwich out of me. My dad cried (this is only the 3rd time in my life I ever saw him cry) and my mom sobbed, "This is the BEST MOTHER'S DAY PRESENT EVER"...it was awesome
Then we told my little cousin Jenna (19) because she's our bud - she and Gregg always "pretend" they are Ron & Hermione from Harry Potter when we go camping (mainly just finding sticks & pretending they are stupifying each other, or quoting the movie, etc). Gregg asked Jenna if she wanted to be Aunt Jenna or Aunt Hermione - and her eyes got wide and she looked at me & I smiled and she got SO excited & screamed - she had to compose herself before we went back to the rest of the family.

Then, after we were done eating, my mom took the frame & gave it to my Grammy saying she wanted to show her what we gave her for mother's day. My Grammy opened it and just stared at it for what seemed like an hour - my cousin Michelle was sitting right beside me (she's studying to be an u/s tech, so she knew exactly what she was looking at) turned to me and said, "Nuh-uh, seriously?" so she got it before everyone else did. Then of course the frame was passed around and the congratulations came out & everyone said how I was glowing, etc.

My evening sickness has turned into morning sickness, at least for Saturday/Sunday. I've been feeling fine since! I went for my last b/w (progesterone check) at the RE on Thursday & I went to the OB yesterday - I really wish I were getting an u/s before we told G's parents this weekend....although I have no reason to worry - no spotting, just normal stretching-cramping (probably from dehydration, too, since I'm still always thirsty).

And I'm putting it all out there to show you my 9w belly shot (all bloat, once again, although G said I have a hard belly today)...this was after a long day of partying for my 30th!

Houston - we have a heartbeat!

Well, G never did get around to taking that belly pic, but I took one yesterday since we...

SAW AND HEARD A HEARTBEAT!!

We also saw another mass in there which we've determined was likely a 2nd sac that just never developed (considering how high my betas were, this would make perfect sense, since I was right in the average range for twins). Trust me, I'm perfectly fine with one, healthy baby. We also got u/s pics yesterday & saw our little bean - not much to see yet at 1/8 of an inch, but we're so in love already! Progesterone was holding steady at 20 & hcg rose steadily to 30,896. The doubling time has slowed, but I'm not worried at this point since A) we saw a 2nd sac that had previously been contributing to the huge betas most likely and B) now's about the time for slowing betas anyway.

6w2d according to my calculations, but 6w0d according to the measurements. Heartbeat was great at 120 bpm, which is above the normal for 6w (90-110). They haven't given us a due date yet, but if you go by the conception date, it would come out to December 5th. If you go by their measurements of 6w0d, then it would be December 7th...I don't think G would mind sharing his birthday week at all, do you?

I caught him last night researching what the baby looks like at 6 weeks. It was so stinkin' cute. He even called me in and showed me the website. Then he of course got ahead of himself & started looking at what we'll see in upcoming weeks...though, I'm still having a hard time making it from one day to the next.

I have no real symptoms other than being really tired (which to be honest isn't much different from my norm, though I could usually push through without a nap & I can't do that as easily anymore). My bbs are pretty sore, too. I did get my TSH results back from yesterday & it did come back still slightly elevated, so they upped me to 100mcg & we'll retest & hope that it goes down. It wasn't too high (3.8) but still something to def. keep an eye one since they like it to be between 1 & 2.

Becki was just over the moon for us! She sounded like she was crying on the phone when I called her yesterday - I just hope the little bean hangs in there for the long haul. We want to tell our families so badly, but of course we want to do it in person & G is adamant that my family know first (since his family gets so many other experiences with us), so we're holding out to my birthday weekend (April 30) since we're going up for a visit & bday party for me (since it's my 30th). And then we'll tell his parents the following weekend, for Mother's Day.

And more good news just keeps a'coming! G's friend from work (aka his Bro-mance & friend that he coaches with) just shared today that he and his wife are 11w pregnant & just saw the heartbeat yesterday, as well! How cool is that? So the little beans can be buds!

Nervous

I think this will be the point each week when I start to get nervous again. Ultrasound is coming up Monday, and once again, I'm freaking out because I have no symptoms other than the larger bbs (and hey, I'm NOT complaining about that!).

No spotting at all anymore due to the progesterone supplements, so that is good, since the spotting always freaked me out. Dr. Google has not been my friend, though, as I've constantly been searching crazy things like "do progesterone supplements mask pregnancy symptoms?" Ugh - I think I've gone crazy. I'm sure everything is fine. I'm even going to get G to take a belly pic tonight...5w4d!

Torturing myself

This week has, in my opinion, been far more torturous than all the previous weeks in this IVF cycle combined. The week after the retrieval was kind of aggravating, but I knew the wait was worth it so that we could transfer the embryos that were the "best of the best." The week after transfer was annoying as I analyzed every little twist and turn I made with my body, wondering "Did I just lift something too heavy or make a turn that could harm a possible baby, or (fill in the blank)?"

This week, however is just plain torturous. Knowing that I'm pregnant, but not experiencing any symptoms has been absolutely driving me insane. Every time I feel the slightest bit of wetness in my underwear, I'm rushing to the bathroom to make sure it's not blood. Every time my bbs stop hurting for part of the day, I convince myself that I'm no longer pregnant (like I'm doing right now). To be perfectly honest, I had been feeling more symptoms (maybe they were all psychosomatic?) early on than I do now. I swore I was having indigestion, bloatiness, crampiness, sore bbs & mild nausea, but honestly I'm feeling fine. No fatigue. No morning sickness. No ANYTHING...

What will I do tomorrow if we get to the u/s and there's NOTHING there? THIS is what infertility has done to me...

Your Thoughts?

As I'm sure you realize, we are far from being out-of-the woods, as far as this baby (or these babies) are concerned. I'm feeling great & so far, have no symptoms (I think I should be considered 4w5d today) & our 1st u/s is scheduled for Tuesday to see what we can see in there. We're VERY excited, but VERY cautiously optimistic at the same time.

But, regardless of what happens, I need some input from my readers concerning the direction you would like to see this blog take now, particularly those of you who are still in the trenches of infertility. Of course the name of the blog will not change, as I will always remain infertile; however I also remember what it feels like to be one of the ones who is "left behind." I remember how much it hurt and how I felt so certain that my dream to be a mommy would never be realized and I would forever be left behind. I couldn't live with myself knowing that this blog has made someone (especially another infertile) hurt and feel the same way.

At the same time, however, I know that when I was hurting, I did take comfort in knowing that even though these women had struggled and hurt just like I did, they somehow found joy again and eventually saw their dreams come to fruition. Whether it be through adoption like my bloggy buddy Melissa, or adoption & then a surprise pregnancy like my buddy Missy, and the countless other blogs (miracle stories) I follow in my sidebar and in my profile, I have learned that there are many roads that could lead you to the end of your journey.

So here is where I need your help. Where would you like this blog to go? Obviously, I'm not going to be spouting off about my woes of pg symptoms (because I remember how many times I saw other girls complaining and I thought about how I'd give my right arm for their morning sickness and round-ligament pain), but I also know the reality that it would be very hard not to talk about a pregnancy at all...and I don't want to lose any of you as readers, so I would greatly appreciate an email or comments about the new path that this blog will take.

Thank you for your continued prayers!